By : Asita Prabhushankar
When
I was a little girl I heard my friends' parents point towards me and
say "Look at her, she is a born leader. You should be like her." I was
eight. I didn't know what they meant. Except I knew I was different. I
was brave, out spoken, got angry and yelled at other kids and picked
fights. In many ways I was unpopular amongst friends. I knew I was
different. What I did know was my parents were different. They
encouraged my behavior and the other parents did not. They wanted their
girls to follow the norm. It was obvious as I grew up that I was
allowed to be independent.
India is producing many women professionals now. The IT industry has created many jobs and opened the doors wide open with many opportunities for women who are not simply engineers and doctors like in the 90s. Yet, when I return home from the U.S. year after year I feel women are making a lot of money and have a lot of freedom outside of their homes, but the society itself is changing rather slowly. The girls who portray immense strength, confidence and professionalism at work and amongst friends are unable to stand up for their rights at home. The patriarchic society is not going to simplify the lives of women unless the women take a bold step towards changing the dynamics of their family lives.
Over
the years I have seen many of my friends in the U.S. return to India
and have arranged marriages. Most girls are pretty and young. I say
young because most guys I have known are thirty or over, but the girls
seem to be at a constant age of twenty three. I wonder why this magic
number? Anyhow, invariably I befriend these girls and take it upon
myself to 'educate' the girls to be independent. My lovely friends, who
truly wish I stay out of their lives all of a sudden can't get rid of
me. I am a necessary evil in most of their lives as I am well informed
on many topics from investments to career advice.
It takes a lot more than college education for a woman to survive today. Being financially independent has to be the foremost goal in every woman's life. Do not quit your job under any circumstances unless you are really certain that your husband makes you feel comfortable and financially secure. Many men take pride in 'taking care' of their wives. But in most cases it does not last very long. It is more a control issue than love.
For generations men have been in charge of finances. Constructing a home, buying a car or any significant investment was their territory. Women only have furnished homes and purchased saris and jewelry. This decade has brought lot more wealth into the hands of women and we need to be savvy and think about investing wisely for the future. I was rather surprised by the way people were spending money when I was in Bangalore two months ago in a shopping mall. Young boys and girls are simply throwing away their earnings on fashion wear. In 2000 I had seen this kind of behavior in Silicon Valley when the stock market was sizzling. Every thing cooled off rather quickly, people had lost jobs, thousands were sent back to India. Cars and homes were being repossessed by the banks. It was deja vu all over again in the Forum Mall. The lesson learned form the rise and fall of the stock market was, we may get only one chance to make money and we need to put some away for the future. Women who are earning handsomely quit their jobs to get married. Many marriages are ending in divorces and in India it is harder to find a job again. It would be very comfortable to have some money stashed away for rainy days.
A
very successful surgeon in India married a friend of mine. She quit a
government job to come to the U.S. The marriage didn't work and in
three months he filed for a divorce. She was on a dependent H-4 Visa
and had no choice but to return to India. She had left her job, it was
a brief marriage and he owed her nothing as per divorce settlement and
her parents had spent several lakhs on the wedding. This can happen to
anyone. Women need to be more thoughtful in making decisions about
going to the U.S. on the drop of a hat and giving up everything they
have for a 'foreign groom.'
The answer is not simple and straight forward to a broad question, but we need to start defining success one day at a time.
About the Author: Asita lives in San Jose, CA and works for IBM Corp. She has volunteered at Maitri, a non-profit organization for 13 years, which helps South Asian women in abusive marriages.
Hello, I am with Voice of Asia newspaper in Houston. We are coming out with a business journal. We want to focus on business & women as one of the major themes. Can we have permission to reprint the articles on here? Please let me know. We will credit the source. Sincerely,
Jacob David. 713-988-5140
Posted by: Jacob David | September 08, 2005 at 03:40 PM